i've never had any reason to celebrate this day... back then when i was a kid, i used to see girls roaming around the streets with flowers and heart shaped balloons in their hands. going home, they were wearing that very same smile.. as if they were getting "kilig" about what happened. reminiscing the moments with their beloved ones.. the romance and everything... really this is one of the most awaited parts of the year for some... but not for me... it's not that i hate this day. but i just don't like it. for reasons unknown. i just decided not to like it. out of nowhere. it's just this fucking enigma inside that started struggling its way out of the bag... i've never had a valentine before. and that's how fucking reserved am i. haha.. it's not that i never had had a romantic story before... but it's just that i don't want to commit. i think Valentine's day is only for those people that celebrate their love... an everlasting love that simply doesn't change over time. haay... Valentine's should not only be celebrated during the fourteenth... if both people love each other... everyday is Valentine's day. with God in their hearts... everyday is a blessing, isn't it?
so what's special about Valentine's? nothing. it just reminds us that flowers and heart-shaped balloons do get expensive during this season...
Friday, February 29, 2008
WASTED!!!
“Parting is such a sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night ‘til it be morrow.”
I’ve been a fan of sad love songs ever since. I’ve read a lot of love stories. I’ve watched a lot of romantic movies. I thought that tragedies only happen in movies or in novels or in songs or in poems. Now I know that life isn’t always comedic at all. Loneliness fills me with great pressure every time I find myself alone in this dark room… with no hands to hold on to… with no air to breathe, but she… I’ve learned to live my life with her… but now she left me, I don’t know how to live this life anymore… I only find myself stuck in this world with nothing left with me but the memories of her face, her smile and the fact that she left me without saying goodbye.
I used to be with the shadows of her existence… and non-existence. She existed but really did not. In fact she was just a name on that stupid mobile gadget. I knew for a fact that she was there but all I could do was to “know”. I would call her terms of endearment. I would call her late at night and talk about anything. I would receive messages from her saying how much she loves me... and how much she misses me. I would tell her that I love her in return. I would make poems for her… I’d sing her love songs. I would tell her jokes and she would laugh. But all of those we did in two different places. I was here, she was there. So awkward that we became that close even though we were kilometers apart. So awkward that the only things that connected us were two mobile phones.
We started as friends… then she became my little sister. I’m not sure if we became lovers. But I know that at some point in time, I fell in love with my sister. She is that simple, sweet, and loving little girl. She would often ask whether I’m fine or not… if I have taken my meal… if I’m lonely… if I’m happy… if she disturbs me… if I had a good night sleep. We had met a couple of times before but we only wave hellos and goodbyes whenever we see each other. We haven’t talked that much personally for we often do the talking through the phone.
Every time I hear sad love songs, I’m reminded of the past. I’m reminded of times with a taste of bitterness yet so sweet that I still could recognize the same old feeling. She taught me how to love and to be loved. She gave me happiness that I did not ask, but what I needed… even more. I was that lonely boy from the beginning of the story… along came this lady. We are like characters in a play where the antagonist is fate alone.
I will always remember Christmas. I will always remember people on the streets as they give fake smiles to everyone. I will always remember children caroling around the city’s plaza. I will always remember the lights that might have blinded any beholder. I will always remember this day… it’s special, as always.
I was standing there beside the big lights. People came and went in pairs and groups. I was alone waiting for the lady to come. With me was a gift wrapped with paper and ribbon. I waited for her all night. She told me she would come… but she did not. All the pictures of seeing her that night faded as if they were drenched in my tears. I feel like I was in a vault, around with me were bunches of good and happy people. I wanted to cry but all I could do was to sit next to lovers and to hide whatever I was feeling inside. I was no good that Christmas evening. All I ever wanted was to give her something that night but she simply did not accept it. I wanted to give her a warm embrace and see how it feels to have the one I love wrapped around my arms. But I guess it really wasn’t meant to happen.
Forgetting isn’t always that hard… it’s so damn hard. Learning to leave your old life is so absurd. You need to erase everything in order to move on. The bad ones need be put in trash… the good ones… you need to throw them away too. How could you forget a past that’s full of happiness? When everything that you could recall is pushing you to get back the life that you want to forget… when you yourself tell you not to be a child anymore, but you yourself know how often you cry because of a wounded heart… when everything in the past makes you cry, out of the predicament of falling into pieces, like a glass of precious wine that kisses the dirty floor. “Wasted” as it was coined… I’m wasted because of seeking for truth. My seeking might have gone a little too far beyond my limits. But I never get tired of waiting. Maybe if I could bring back the times, I would begin my life to the moment that I knew her. And when she leaves me again, I would never get tired of bringing back that same part of my life. Because, with her, I was happy. And with her, will I be happy.
I’ve been a fan of sad love songs ever since. I’ve read a lot of love stories. I’ve watched a lot of romantic movies. I thought that tragedies only happen in movies or in novels or in songs or in poems. Now I know that life isn’t always comedic at all. Loneliness fills me with great pressure every time I find myself alone in this dark room… with no hands to hold on to… with no air to breathe, but she… I’ve learned to live my life with her… but now she left me, I don’t know how to live this life anymore… I only find myself stuck in this world with nothing left with me but the memories of her face, her smile and the fact that she left me without saying goodbye.
I used to be with the shadows of her existence… and non-existence. She existed but really did not. In fact she was just a name on that stupid mobile gadget. I knew for a fact that she was there but all I could do was to “know”. I would call her terms of endearment. I would call her late at night and talk about anything. I would receive messages from her saying how much she loves me... and how much she misses me. I would tell her that I love her in return. I would make poems for her… I’d sing her love songs. I would tell her jokes and she would laugh. But all of those we did in two different places. I was here, she was there. So awkward that we became that close even though we were kilometers apart. So awkward that the only things that connected us were two mobile phones.
We started as friends… then she became my little sister. I’m not sure if we became lovers. But I know that at some point in time, I fell in love with my sister. She is that simple, sweet, and loving little girl. She would often ask whether I’m fine or not… if I have taken my meal… if I’m lonely… if I’m happy… if she disturbs me… if I had a good night sleep. We had met a couple of times before but we only wave hellos and goodbyes whenever we see each other. We haven’t talked that much personally for we often do the talking through the phone.
Every time I hear sad love songs, I’m reminded of the past. I’m reminded of times with a taste of bitterness yet so sweet that I still could recognize the same old feeling. She taught me how to love and to be loved. She gave me happiness that I did not ask, but what I needed… even more. I was that lonely boy from the beginning of the story… along came this lady. We are like characters in a play where the antagonist is fate alone.
I will always remember Christmas. I will always remember people on the streets as they give fake smiles to everyone. I will always remember children caroling around the city’s plaza. I will always remember the lights that might have blinded any beholder. I will always remember this day… it’s special, as always.
I was standing there beside the big lights. People came and went in pairs and groups. I was alone waiting for the lady to come. With me was a gift wrapped with paper and ribbon. I waited for her all night. She told me she would come… but she did not. All the pictures of seeing her that night faded as if they were drenched in my tears. I feel like I was in a vault, around with me were bunches of good and happy people. I wanted to cry but all I could do was to sit next to lovers and to hide whatever I was feeling inside. I was no good that Christmas evening. All I ever wanted was to give her something that night but she simply did not accept it. I wanted to give her a warm embrace and see how it feels to have the one I love wrapped around my arms. But I guess it really wasn’t meant to happen.
Forgetting isn’t always that hard… it’s so damn hard. Learning to leave your old life is so absurd. You need to erase everything in order to move on. The bad ones need be put in trash… the good ones… you need to throw them away too. How could you forget a past that’s full of happiness? When everything that you could recall is pushing you to get back the life that you want to forget… when you yourself tell you not to be a child anymore, but you yourself know how often you cry because of a wounded heart… when everything in the past makes you cry, out of the predicament of falling into pieces, like a glass of precious wine that kisses the dirty floor. “Wasted” as it was coined… I’m wasted because of seeking for truth. My seeking might have gone a little too far beyond my limits. But I never get tired of waiting. Maybe if I could bring back the times, I would begin my life to the moment that I knew her. And when she leaves me again, I would never get tired of bringing back that same part of my life. Because, with her, I was happy. And with her, will I be happy.
To Anne
To Anne:
I thought I could write a poem as lovely as you.
But you were far more beautiful than any word I knew.
So how could a quatrain be a quatrain…?
If it wasn’t meant to be madness I disdain.
How could a smile so sweet
Could break my heart so easily?
Questions to how…
The answers to why…
Every dreaming…
Every image I was seeing was a picture of your face.
At nights of peace,
There I’d stare…
Watching you as you sing…
And hearing the melodies of the dark blue moon...
Then you’d look at me...
Then you’d look at me...
All I ever had was a heart that didn’t beat.
But was it love I never meant to have…
Or was it a feeling that was never meant to be?
I thought I could be the man that would make you smile.
But all I ever had was a poem to recite.
But a poem could not be a poem if it wasn’t for you dear.
This poem of foolishness I needed you to hear.
I’d be singing you a love song.
I’d rather be dead.
I’d be writing this poem.
But I wasn’t prepared.
I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t know if that was true.
I was falling in love…
and the love was you.
How dare you tear my heart into two?
How dare you mix with my blues?
How dare you lady?I hate you…
But I love you.
To Anne,
The poem was me…
Read between the lines.
Lastly
These words I wanted you to hear...
Fuck you…
I thought I could write a poem as lovely as you.
But you were far more beautiful than any word I knew.
So how could a quatrain be a quatrain…?
If it wasn’t meant to be madness I disdain.
How could a smile so sweet
Could break my heart so easily?
Questions to how…
The answers to why…
Every dreaming…
Every image I was seeing was a picture of your face.
At nights of peace,
There I’d stare…
Watching you as you sing…
And hearing the melodies of the dark blue moon...
Then you’d look at me...
Then you’d look at me...
All I ever had was a heart that didn’t beat.
But was it love I never meant to have…
Or was it a feeling that was never meant to be?
I thought I could be the man that would make you smile.
But all I ever had was a poem to recite.
But a poem could not be a poem if it wasn’t for you dear.
This poem of foolishness I needed you to hear.
I’d be singing you a love song.
I’d rather be dead.
I’d be writing this poem.
But I wasn’t prepared.
I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t know if that was true.
I was falling in love…
and the love was you.
How dare you tear my heart into two?
How dare you mix with my blues?
How dare you lady?I hate you…
But I love you.
To Anne,
The poem was me…
Read between the lines.
Lastly
These words I wanted you to hear...
Fuck you…
empacho-ation 2
Continuation…
I’m not so sure if that was true. All I could remember is that she was looking at me. Maybe it was only my mind that told me so. But I really wasn’t sure. I was just sitting there… watching her every action… our eyes met for such a while. That was it… ambitious was I thinking that she too might be looking at me…I was paranoid… I could hear everything. But I could see nothing because so dark the night that was. I could plainly see people’s bodies moving around… dancing like the stars underneath my mind. Every song played was like a love song… upbeat, fast, and like a killing machine. The only thing that I could remember was that I was singing the sweetest song I heard. For moments, I was uttering her name silently…The strobe lights were destroying my sight. But they helped me seeing the girl from afar. She was such a lady. Exceptional… breathtaking… well-loved… but I could barely feel her disappointment. It made me sick seeing her that way.Picturesque… every time I saw her smiling… it was like a perfect subject for a visual artist, or an inspiration for any poet. Who would not love to love that smile? And who would not hate to see her in anguish?
I’m not so sure if that was true. All I could remember is that she was looking at me. Maybe it was only my mind that told me so. But I really wasn’t sure. I was just sitting there… watching her every action… our eyes met for such a while. That was it… ambitious was I thinking that she too might be looking at me…I was paranoid… I could hear everything. But I could see nothing because so dark the night that was. I could plainly see people’s bodies moving around… dancing like the stars underneath my mind. Every song played was like a love song… upbeat, fast, and like a killing machine. The only thing that I could remember was that I was singing the sweetest song I heard. For moments, I was uttering her name silently…The strobe lights were destroying my sight. But they helped me seeing the girl from afar. She was such a lady. Exceptional… breathtaking… well-loved… but I could barely feel her disappointment. It made me sick seeing her that way.Picturesque… every time I saw her smiling… it was like a perfect subject for a visual artist, or an inspiration for any poet. Who would not love to love that smile? And who would not hate to see her in anguish?
empacho-ation
Empacho-ation:
She stood there. In the faceless crowd, I drew sight of her… seeing her in her most glamorous wear. Those fake smiles… the sight of anxiety… I saw her, with the sighs of disappointment… but disdain did I the fact that I was only one of the crowd… one of the faces that she saw, when she was there on the pedestal. She wasn’t happy, I could say… by the look in her eyes, she wasn’t happy at all…People’s bodies started moving with grace... dancing by the moonlight…She is a girl… she was on my mind… she was standing there… I could not remember her face, the way she smiled, the way she walked down the runway. But I could clearly remember her name…Her smile… who would not love to love that smile? But I hated when she gave that smile to someone else… It made me sick.A certain kind of something I saw in her that really struck me. Not just she has a face that would launch a thousand ships nor the fact that she’s one of the loveliest songs that play in my ears. It’s when I took a glance of her, she was looking at me too…
She stood there. In the faceless crowd, I drew sight of her… seeing her in her most glamorous wear. Those fake smiles… the sight of anxiety… I saw her, with the sighs of disappointment… but disdain did I the fact that I was only one of the crowd… one of the faces that she saw, when she was there on the pedestal. She wasn’t happy, I could say… by the look in her eyes, she wasn’t happy at all…People’s bodies started moving with grace... dancing by the moonlight…She is a girl… she was on my mind… she was standing there… I could not remember her face, the way she smiled, the way she walked down the runway. But I could clearly remember her name…Her smile… who would not love to love that smile? But I hated when she gave that smile to someone else… It made me sick.A certain kind of something I saw in her that really struck me. Not just she has a face that would launch a thousand ships nor the fact that she’s one of the loveliest songs that play in my ears. It’s when I took a glance of her, she was looking at me too…
In Nothingness
In Nothingness:
We are words less spoken by ignorance…
Standing from the breasts of our existence;
Is beauty a reality of our hopes?
Or just a mere notion of blindness?;
Dreams we are.
We may exceed our vague response.
We exist by the tears of the past.
Can’t we be the children of tomorrow’s aspirations?
Lying closely to the bosom that nourishes;
Why do we love to hate?
Why don’t we love rather?
We hate to love.We love to hate.
We love.
But we hate more.
We are the children of ignorance.
We know nothing.
Do we know that we don’t exist?
Do we know that love hates?
Do we stand on the relentless dawn?
Do we see the faceless haunting?
We don’t.
We don’t exist.
We’re nothing.
We are blinded by our dreams.
In nothingness we’re defined.
We are words less spoken by ignorance.
So as we stand beyond our distant pieces.
Now we stare.
We are two strangers in each other’s dreaming.
We see the nonexistence.
We embrace our nothingness.
We love.
Slowly we are dying from emptiness.
We don’t exist.
We’re nothing.
We are blinded by our dreams.
Now we’re here at the end of our illusions,
Clearly we see each other’s face.
Now we stare.
We embrace our nonexistence.
But despite our emptiness,
We are loved…
We are defined.
In nothingness,
We speak the words of ignorance.
We are not dreaming.
We are nothing.
We are words less spoken by ignorance…
Standing from the breasts of our existence;
Is beauty a reality of our hopes?
Or just a mere notion of blindness?;
Dreams we are.
We may exceed our vague response.
We exist by the tears of the past.
Can’t we be the children of tomorrow’s aspirations?
Lying closely to the bosom that nourishes;
Why do we love to hate?
Why don’t we love rather?
We hate to love.We love to hate.
We love.
But we hate more.
We are the children of ignorance.
We know nothing.
Do we know that we don’t exist?
Do we know that love hates?
Do we stand on the relentless dawn?
Do we see the faceless haunting?
We don’t.
We don’t exist.
We’re nothing.
We are blinded by our dreams.
In nothingness we’re defined.
We are words less spoken by ignorance.
So as we stand beyond our distant pieces.
Now we stare.
We are two strangers in each other’s dreaming.
We see the nonexistence.
We embrace our nothingness.
We love.
Slowly we are dying from emptiness.
We don’t exist.
We’re nothing.
We are blinded by our dreams.
Now we’re here at the end of our illusions,
Clearly we see each other’s face.
Now we stare.
We embrace our nonexistence.
But despite our emptiness,
We are loved…
We are defined.
In nothingness,
We speak the words of ignorance.
We are not dreaming.
We are nothing.
Untitled
Untitled:
I.
Neon lights comfort the darkness that veils the horizon.
The noise of the nocturnal rage sounds well offshore.
Rain pours gently on the floor of city’s grandeur.
Cigarette…
Smoke stares in front of his eyes
as he finds peace amidst the restless rumors.
He sees a strike of light.Finally, a new day…
II.
Night sky blooms at ease.
Colors fade and darkness seems to be everywhere.
Stars glow from the wounds of the black meadow.
I can’t see anything.
But I can hear the picket of the raging water.
Rejuvenate.
The dark secrets of the night finally unraveled.
I’m almost dead.I’m trapped…
Lost in emptiness…
I’m numb.
I can’t feel the wind…
I can’ touch your embrace.
I can’t feel your goodbye.
Now I’m here standing on nowhere,
Sorrow fills me with comfort.
I’m trapped…
Numb…
Dead…
I.
Neon lights comfort the darkness that veils the horizon.
The noise of the nocturnal rage sounds well offshore.
Rain pours gently on the floor of city’s grandeur.
Cigarette…
Smoke stares in front of his eyes
as he finds peace amidst the restless rumors.
He sees a strike of light.Finally, a new day…
II.
Night sky blooms at ease.
Colors fade and darkness seems to be everywhere.
Stars glow from the wounds of the black meadow.
I can’t see anything.
But I can hear the picket of the raging water.
Rejuvenate.
The dark secrets of the night finally unraveled.
I’m almost dead.I’m trapped…
Lost in emptiness…
I’m numb.
I can’t feel the wind…
I can’ touch your embrace.
I can’t feel your goodbye.
Now I’m here standing on nowhere,
Sorrow fills me with comfort.
I’m trapped…
Numb…
Dead…
The Mirror's Irony
The Mirror’s Irony:
I cried.
But she didn’t hear.
I bled.
But she didn’t care.
I was hurt.
But she didn’t see.
I was stabbed.
But she didn’t care.
I lived.
But she didn’t know.
Now I hush.
She didn’t come.
My wounds were healed.
She didn’t care.
The pain was gone.
She didn’t know still.
I opened my eyes…
She wasn’t there.
I saw her.
She didn’t know.
I died.
She didn’t cry.
But when I looked at her,
I was happy.
I cried.
But she didn’t hear.
I bled.
But she didn’t care.
I was hurt.
But she didn’t see.
I was stabbed.
But she didn’t care.
I lived.
But she didn’t know.
Now I hush.
She didn’t come.
My wounds were healed.
She didn’t care.
The pain was gone.
She didn’t know still.
I opened my eyes…
She wasn’t there.
I saw her.
She didn’t know.
I died.
She didn’t cry.
But when I looked at her,
I was happy.
Parting
Parting:
I should have cried,
Should have opened the splendor to parting’s arm;
I should have died…
Before her melancholy turns into dreaming;
She should have tried...
Making me her breath;
She should have died…
When to leave is all her being.
I would have to glide…
Have to be caressed by the sunset.
She doesn’t have to collide…
Does not have to see me soaring;
I should have seen the day’s pride.
For the many odd starlight’s gleaming;
I should have seen her that night,
Before she left me forever waiting;
Would I have to die…
Before she starts crying?
Would I have to cry…
When every star craves for our parting?
I should have cried,
Should have opened the splendor to parting’s arm;
I should have died…
Before her melancholy turns into dreaming;
She should have tried...
Making me her breath;
She should have died…
When to leave is all her being.
I would have to glide…
Have to be caressed by the sunset.
She doesn’t have to collide…
Does not have to see me soaring;
I should have seen the day’s pride.
For the many odd starlight’s gleaming;
I should have seen her that night,
Before she left me forever waiting;
Would I have to die…
Before she starts crying?
Would I have to cry…
When every star craves for our parting?
Hangin
hopeless romantic:
Hangin:
Sumilip ka sa nakaraang binagtas ng luha…
Mababanaag mo ang dalamhati ng mapanglaw na umaga.Apoy…
pumupunit sa kapayapaang napipita.
Bumabalong ang nagpupuyos na pagkapithaya.
Aluin mo ang pagtangis ng langit sa ilang nunukad…
Idaop niring kamay sa mga luhang kumukulyat.
Tamis ng pagbitay sa nakaraang minsa’y niliyag…
Bumubulay sa hapis na idinulot ng liwanag…
Dinggin mo ang bulong ng hangin sinta.
Umiihip sa awit ng di matumbasang ligaya…
Sumasayaw sa dakilang pagdarang ng maalab na mga mata…
Itinatampok sa daigdig ang kariktang ng iyong paghalina.
Damhin mo giliw ang pagahaplos ng hangin sa iyong mga pisngi.
Nadarama mo ba ang init ng pagsuyo ng aking mga labi?
Sumasaliw sa pagpinitg ng puso sa landas ng mga ngiti.
Nagsasabing, “Nililiyag kita, iyo bang nawawari?”
Hangin akong sa kawala’y lumilipad.
Pagpintuho sa tulad mo ang sa kaluluwa ko’y namukadkad.
Nakikita mo ba ako? Iyo bang namamalas…
Ang pag-ibig ng hangin…
dinulot mo’y tamis sa mga sugat.
Hangin:
Sumilip ka sa nakaraang binagtas ng luha…
Mababanaag mo ang dalamhati ng mapanglaw na umaga.Apoy…
pumupunit sa kapayapaang napipita.
Bumabalong ang nagpupuyos na pagkapithaya.
Aluin mo ang pagtangis ng langit sa ilang nunukad…
Idaop niring kamay sa mga luhang kumukulyat.
Tamis ng pagbitay sa nakaraang minsa’y niliyag…
Bumubulay sa hapis na idinulot ng liwanag…
Dinggin mo ang bulong ng hangin sinta.
Umiihip sa awit ng di matumbasang ligaya…
Sumasayaw sa dakilang pagdarang ng maalab na mga mata…
Itinatampok sa daigdig ang kariktang ng iyong paghalina.
Damhin mo giliw ang pagahaplos ng hangin sa iyong mga pisngi.
Nadarama mo ba ang init ng pagsuyo ng aking mga labi?
Sumasaliw sa pagpinitg ng puso sa landas ng mga ngiti.
Nagsasabing, “Nililiyag kita, iyo bang nawawari?”
Hangin akong sa kawala’y lumilipad.
Pagpintuho sa tulad mo ang sa kaluluwa ko’y namukadkad.
Nakikita mo ba ako? Iyo bang namamalas…
Ang pag-ibig ng hangin…
dinulot mo’y tamis sa mga sugat.
Kung Maari Lang
ito yung pinakauna kong nagawa na tula...
ober sa kakonihan...
mala-teenage dirtbag yung dating...
check it out...haha...
Kung Maaari Lang:
Kung maaari lang tumangis ang mga tala…
Kung maaari lang ang hangi’y bumalana.
Kung maaari lang ang buwa’y tumula…
Kung maaari lang, para sa’yo sinta,
Kung maaari lang sana…
Bakit hindi maaaring umibig ang apoy sa tubig?
Sadya nga bang masaklap ang umibig?
Kung maaari lang sanang sumigid…
Umahon sa mga luha ng pagkatigatig.
Kung maaari lang sana kitang mapangiti…
Ipinta ang ligaya sa’yong mga labi…
Bakit hindi ko iyon magawa?
hindi ko mawari.
Bakit hindi ka maarok…
bulaklak sa ulap ng pintakasi.
Anghel sa mga pakpak ng langit…
Ako’y marubdob na nag-aabang sa pagsaliw mo sa paghimig ng tubig.
Ang hiwaga ng iyong mukha’y gumuguhit sa mga mata kong sa kaligayaha’y naiidlip…
Binabatis ang karimlan sa pananaginip.
Kailan mo kaya matatanto ang nais isiwalat ng pusong tumatangis?
Kailan mo mauulinig ang hinihiyaw ng masidhing paglupig?
Paglupig ng kagalakan sa tanglaw ng sumpain…
Kung maaari lang sana…
Kung maaari lamang kitang ibigin…
ober sa kakonihan...
mala-teenage dirtbag yung dating...
check it out...haha...
Kung Maaari Lang:
Kung maaari lang tumangis ang mga tala…
Kung maaari lang ang hangi’y bumalana.
Kung maaari lang ang buwa’y tumula…
Kung maaari lang, para sa’yo sinta,
Kung maaari lang sana…
Bakit hindi maaaring umibig ang apoy sa tubig?
Sadya nga bang masaklap ang umibig?
Kung maaari lang sanang sumigid…
Umahon sa mga luha ng pagkatigatig.
Kung maaari lang sana kitang mapangiti…
Ipinta ang ligaya sa’yong mga labi…
Bakit hindi ko iyon magawa?
hindi ko mawari.
Bakit hindi ka maarok…
bulaklak sa ulap ng pintakasi.
Anghel sa mga pakpak ng langit…
Ako’y marubdob na nag-aabang sa pagsaliw mo sa paghimig ng tubig.
Ang hiwaga ng iyong mukha’y gumuguhit sa mga mata kong sa kaligayaha’y naiidlip…
Binabatis ang karimlan sa pananaginip.
Kailan mo kaya matatanto ang nais isiwalat ng pusong tumatangis?
Kailan mo mauulinig ang hinihiyaw ng masidhing paglupig?
Paglupig ng kagalakan sa tanglaw ng sumpain…
Kung maaari lang sana…
Kung maaari lamang kitang ibigin…
HVC
HVC:
Tears run dry from this weary eyed harness.
A feast for loneliness and anxiety.
This drug's dosages kill the agitated calmness.
Heroin-Valium-Cocaine speaks toxicity.
Only I put myself to blame...
For living a life of disgrace.
When I could have lived solely in peace.
Being not thirsty for love and justice.
I kiss the faces of bald women.
Bold, bald, bed, bad are all I can see.
Inch by inch my skin gets burnt.
Eyes wide shut... I'm broken with ecstasy.
Whores they crown the queen of fools.
They hail the harlequin... Queen of the Night.
Queer as the quiet query of the quaint quarrelling quartet.
As they quit each other's questionable querulous might.
Pandemonium!!! Pan-de-mo-ni-um!
Pandemic dominion of doom.
Hail to the Queen... the whore and the fool!
Hail to the Queen of the Ghouls.
"Nadia!" I hear the vagabond cries.
Nadia rides a can of milk... swiftly she flies.
"Tengo hambre!" shouts the glutton Teodoro.
He eats the lactic feces of his beloved amigo.
"Stomp thy feet!" the music implies.
Stomp... Stomp... Stampede!
Snare rolls to the beat of Prep. 2.
Bass pounds every listener's bosom.
While everybody is smoking the medicine.
Heroin-Valium-Cocaine... so high it throbs the yearning.
Tears run dry from this weary eyed harness.
A feast for loneliness and anxiety.
This drug's dosages kill the agitated calmness.
Heroin-Valium-Cocaine speaks toxicity.
Only I put myself to blame...
For living a life of disgrace.
When I could have lived solely in peace.
Being not thirsty for love and justice.
I kiss the faces of bald women.
Bold, bald, bed, bad are all I can see.
Inch by inch my skin gets burnt.
Eyes wide shut... I'm broken with ecstasy.
Whores they crown the queen of fools.
They hail the harlequin... Queen of the Night.
Queer as the quiet query of the quaint quarrelling quartet.
As they quit each other's questionable querulous might.
Pandemonium!!! Pan-de-mo-ni-um!
Pandemic dominion of doom.
Hail to the Queen... the whore and the fool!
Hail to the Queen of the Ghouls.
"Nadia!" I hear the vagabond cries.
Nadia rides a can of milk... swiftly she flies.
"Tengo hambre!" shouts the glutton Teodoro.
He eats the lactic feces of his beloved amigo.
"Stomp thy feet!" the music implies.
Stomp... Stomp... Stampede!
Snare rolls to the beat of Prep. 2.
Bass pounds every listener's bosom.
While everybody is smoking the medicine.
Heroin-Valium-Cocaine... so high it throbs the yearning.
Ang Kwento Ni Nene
naghalo ang kinaing pansit at isang tasa ng kape sa tiyan ni nene. namuo ang kanyang agam na panis na siguro yung kinain nya. dinala kasi ito ng kanyang nanay kagabi. pero nung kinaumagahan lang nya kinain. nais nyang magtungo sa palikuran ngunit naroroon pa ang kanyang maliit na kapatid. kung kaya, tiniis na lamang ni nene ang sakit. napabaluktot ang payat na payat nyang katawan sa sahig. nais nyang sumigaw ngunit ayaw niyang magising ang kanyang nanay. mahigpit na bilin kasi nito na wag daw muna siya iistorbohin. nagakasakit kasi ito sa sobrang pagod galing sa trabaho. wala naman silang pambili ng gamot kaya di na lang niya iniinda ang sakit ng katawan.
naaawa man si nene sa kalagayan ng ina, wala naman siyang magawa dahil sila'y mahirap. kinailangan pa nga niyang tumigil sa pag-aaral upang makapagbenta ng basahan sa mga kalye ng maynila. ang kanyang kapatid naman ay tumutulong sa pagitinda ng sampaguita ng kanyang nanay sa simbahan ng quiapo. ganito araw-araw ang tumatambad na kalagayan sa buhay ng mag-iina. simula kasi nang iniwan sila ng kanilang ama, naging miserable na ang kanilang kalagayan. sa murang isipan ni nene, namulat siya sa isang buhay na di tipikal. di tipikal sa kadahilanang, di dapat ganun ang kanyang nararanasan.
maraming pangarap si nene sa kanyang pamilya. minsan nga nang nag-usap sila ng kanyang nanay, nasabi na rin nya na nais nyang maging isang mahusay na manunulat, kundi naman, maging isang guro. nais niyang maranasan ang pakiramdam na makatulong. lalong lalo na sa mga katulad nila. gusto kasi niya, walang mga taong minanaliit. nasabi na rin niya na maswerte pa rin sila kasi, napalaki sila nang maayos. pero tuwing iniisip ang kanilang kalagayan, napapaiyak na lamang siya sa panlulumo. nanlulumo siya dahil ginawa siyang mahirap. kung may pagkakataon lamang siya na tuparin ang kanyang mga pangarap... pero sadya atang ginawa na lamang ang mga iyong pangarap. pangarap... at mananatiling mga pangarap na lamang.
magiliw na pinagmasdan ni nene ang kalagayan ng kanyang ina. nakahiga ito sa kanilang maliit na papag. nangayayat na rin siya t nagtamo ng maliliit na sugat sa araw-araw na pagtatrabaho. napaiyak sa kalungkutan ang batang si nene. pinilit niyang di mapaluha ngunit patuloy ang pag-agos ng maliliit na butil ng paghaplos sa kanyang pisngi. ang mga luha na lamang ang kanyang kasama sa pag-iisa. ang mga ito na lamang ang kanyang nagiging karamay sa tuwing nararamdaman ang lahat ng paghihirap.
napatingin si nene sa plastik ng pansit na pasalubong ng kanyang nanay kagabi. nangarap siya na kinakain niya ang masasarap na pagkain. mga pagkain na hinahanda sa piging ng mga hari. yun kasi ang mga nababasa niya sa libro. mariringal na pista at masayang pagtitipon. ninais niya na mahandugan ang kanyang ina at kapatid ng masasarap na pagkain.
nabasag ang pagninilay ni nene nang marinig na sumigaw ang kanyang ina. kinakailangan kasi nito na uminom ng gamot. tinungo ni nene ang istante kung saan nakalagay ang mga gamot. ngunit ang natagpuan lamang niya'y mga lalagyang walang laman. nagulat na lamang ang kanyang ina nang makitang umiiyak si nene. tinanong siya ngunit di sumagot ang bata. ang alam lamang niya'y masakit ang kanyang tyan at parang di na n'ya kaya pang tumayo. nang mapagmasdan ng ina, namumutla si nene at napahandusay sa sakit...nabasag na lamang ang katahimikan ng bata nang makita ng nanay niya ang kulay lupang bagay sa kanyang salawal... natae pala si nene.
naaawa man si nene sa kalagayan ng ina, wala naman siyang magawa dahil sila'y mahirap. kinailangan pa nga niyang tumigil sa pag-aaral upang makapagbenta ng basahan sa mga kalye ng maynila. ang kanyang kapatid naman ay tumutulong sa pagitinda ng sampaguita ng kanyang nanay sa simbahan ng quiapo. ganito araw-araw ang tumatambad na kalagayan sa buhay ng mag-iina. simula kasi nang iniwan sila ng kanilang ama, naging miserable na ang kanilang kalagayan. sa murang isipan ni nene, namulat siya sa isang buhay na di tipikal. di tipikal sa kadahilanang, di dapat ganun ang kanyang nararanasan.
maraming pangarap si nene sa kanyang pamilya. minsan nga nang nag-usap sila ng kanyang nanay, nasabi na rin nya na nais nyang maging isang mahusay na manunulat, kundi naman, maging isang guro. nais niyang maranasan ang pakiramdam na makatulong. lalong lalo na sa mga katulad nila. gusto kasi niya, walang mga taong minanaliit. nasabi na rin niya na maswerte pa rin sila kasi, napalaki sila nang maayos. pero tuwing iniisip ang kanilang kalagayan, napapaiyak na lamang siya sa panlulumo. nanlulumo siya dahil ginawa siyang mahirap. kung may pagkakataon lamang siya na tuparin ang kanyang mga pangarap... pero sadya atang ginawa na lamang ang mga iyong pangarap. pangarap... at mananatiling mga pangarap na lamang.
magiliw na pinagmasdan ni nene ang kalagayan ng kanyang ina. nakahiga ito sa kanilang maliit na papag. nangayayat na rin siya t nagtamo ng maliliit na sugat sa araw-araw na pagtatrabaho. napaiyak sa kalungkutan ang batang si nene. pinilit niyang di mapaluha ngunit patuloy ang pag-agos ng maliliit na butil ng paghaplos sa kanyang pisngi. ang mga luha na lamang ang kanyang kasama sa pag-iisa. ang mga ito na lamang ang kanyang nagiging karamay sa tuwing nararamdaman ang lahat ng paghihirap.
napatingin si nene sa plastik ng pansit na pasalubong ng kanyang nanay kagabi. nangarap siya na kinakain niya ang masasarap na pagkain. mga pagkain na hinahanda sa piging ng mga hari. yun kasi ang mga nababasa niya sa libro. mariringal na pista at masayang pagtitipon. ninais niya na mahandugan ang kanyang ina at kapatid ng masasarap na pagkain.
nabasag ang pagninilay ni nene nang marinig na sumigaw ang kanyang ina. kinakailangan kasi nito na uminom ng gamot. tinungo ni nene ang istante kung saan nakalagay ang mga gamot. ngunit ang natagpuan lamang niya'y mga lalagyang walang laman. nagulat na lamang ang kanyang ina nang makitang umiiyak si nene. tinanong siya ngunit di sumagot ang bata. ang alam lamang niya'y masakit ang kanyang tyan at parang di na n'ya kaya pang tumayo. nang mapagmasdan ng ina, namumutla si nene at napahandusay sa sakit...nabasag na lamang ang katahimikan ng bata nang makita ng nanay niya ang kulay lupang bagay sa kanyang salawal... natae pala si nene.
Born To The Rising Sun
born to the rising sun... march to death
(poem)
Daisies fill the eyes of the blinding sunlight.
O, how beautiful they grow on the meadows charmed with fragrance.
Morning chains the mist sweetly enamored by lovers...
as they kiss... as they feel the solace therein.
Flowers caress the raging white light.
Lovers break free from the bizarre scene.
as dreams run steadfast on the meadows at rest.
Thoughts of summer... countless as the stars.
They go to places in their dreams,
Hold hands 'til the sun falls down from the sky so weary.
They leave the meadows undiscovered.
And wander the foreign soil tilled with joys of sorrow.
Love rises and falls from beneath the twilight...
as night sky blooms at ease.
Shadows of love dance under the moonlight's gape...
as the world sleeps tightly inside the night's embrace.
Death comes to lovers at the night of peace.
Flowers dry up and fill the darkness with ashes.
Sepulchral as the music plays death.
Tragic as lovers die... without even saying goodbye
(poem)
Daisies fill the eyes of the blinding sunlight.
O, how beautiful they grow on the meadows charmed with fragrance.
Morning chains the mist sweetly enamored by lovers...
as they kiss... as they feel the solace therein.
Flowers caress the raging white light.
Lovers break free from the bizarre scene.
as dreams run steadfast on the meadows at rest.
Thoughts of summer... countless as the stars.
They go to places in their dreams,
Hold hands 'til the sun falls down from the sky so weary.
They leave the meadows undiscovered.
And wander the foreign soil tilled with joys of sorrow.
Love rises and falls from beneath the twilight...
as night sky blooms at ease.
Shadows of love dance under the moonlight's gape...
as the world sleeps tightly inside the night's embrace.
Death comes to lovers at the night of peace.
Flowers dry up and fill the darkness with ashes.
Sepulchral as the music plays death.
Tragic as lovers die... without even saying goodbye
Abstraction
abstraction:
(a poem)
I opened the eyes of heaven...
let the tear flow to the open.
The rain smiled at me to caress my being.
I found the light... I found you stolen.
Tempting was the sight of your most sacred smile.
It divulged your unsung beauty possessed inside.
Your eyes, they spoke to my heart so fragile.
Your lips had uttered my craved suicide.
I doused my soul into a deep silence.
Nostalgia devoured my senses.
I long to hear you sing through the morning madness.
I long to be struck by the light of your face.
Come near me and breathe into my existence.
Kiss away my pain, trudging insolence.
Kiss me right away and under the moonlight we'll dance.
Be mine, my sole precious chance.
(a poem)
I opened the eyes of heaven...
let the tear flow to the open.
The rain smiled at me to caress my being.
I found the light... I found you stolen.
Tempting was the sight of your most sacred smile.
It divulged your unsung beauty possessed inside.
Your eyes, they spoke to my heart so fragile.
Your lips had uttered my craved suicide.
I doused my soul into a deep silence.
Nostalgia devoured my senses.
I long to hear you sing through the morning madness.
I long to be struck by the light of your face.
Come near me and breathe into my existence.
Kiss away my pain, trudging insolence.
Kiss me right away and under the moonlight we'll dance.
Be mine, my sole precious chance.
Bakit May Mga Tala?
Bakit May Mga Tala?
Isang Alamat:
(para sa mga bata)
Nagsara ang kalangitan sa liwanag na maparam. Ginumon ng karimlan ang mata ng kalangitang bumubulay sa sintang pag-iisa. Marahang nanaig ang kadiliman na ipininta sa mga ulap. Kumudyapi ang huni ng ma ibon... pagtakas sa pagkabulag... paglisan sa kamunduhan. Ngunit, sa mariing pagtatalik ng dilim sa kalupaan, unti-unting naggitawan ang sanlaksang mga butil ng pakislap sa langit. Natatanaw mo ba sila? Saan ba sila nagmula? Bakit may mga tala?
Nang likhain ng Bathala ang Liwanag, di siya nakuntento sa idinudulot nito sa daigdig. Ito ay sa kadahilanang, sa lubos na kapangyarihan nito'y nasusugatan ang balat ng mundo. Natitigang din ang maraming bahaging karagatan sa kanyang dakilang pagdarang. Kung kaya, bumuo ang Bathala ng isang elemento na magbabalanse sa kapangyarihan ng Liwanag... tinawag niya itong Dilim.
Sa pagkakataong yaon, tinipon ng Bathala ang kanyang dalawang dakilang likha, ang Liwanag at ang Dilim. Matapos magsalo ng kanilang pagbati, binuksan ng Bathala ang usapin ukol sa kapangyarihan at limitasyon ng bawat isa. Nilingon niya ang kanyang paningin sa Liwanag at nagwikang,
"Ikaw Liwanag, sakdal ng kariktan, aking nilalang sa kataas-taasan, ay aking itinatalaga upang patnubayan ang umaga. Ikaw ang magsisilbing ilaw sa mga mata ng daigdig. Ikaw ang magdudulot ng kulay at karilagan sa timyas ng pagsabog ng kislap ng iyong kagandahan. Ikaw ang aking araw sa paghalik ng bukang-liwayway. Ikaw Liwanag ang buhay ng sandaigdigan."
Naulinig ng lahat ang winikang ito ng Bathala. Nagpugay ang daigdig sa kanyang nabatid. Ang Liwanag ay pinasalubungan ng maringal na pagsaliw ng musika ng mga anghel sa langit.
Sa kabilang dako, itinuon ng Bathala ang kanyang paningin sa Dilim. Ganito ang kanyang winika,
"Ikaw Dilim, aking nilalang sa kataas-taasan ay aking itinatalaga upang patnubayan ang gabi. Ikaw ang siyang magbabalanse sa kapangyarihang taglay ng Liwanag. Ikaw ang aking anino sa dapit-hapon. Ikaw ang pagkubli ng liwanag sa ilang. Ikaw Dilim ang kamatayan ng sandaigdigan."
Nang marinig ito ng lahat, hindi sila natuwa. Bagkus, itinakwil nila ang Dilim. Nagkaroon ng malaking kaguluhan sa daigdig na ikinagulat ng lahat.
"Pumayapa kayo!!!" mabigat na utos ng Bathala. Itinaas niya ang kanyang tungkod at itinuro sa Liwanag. Winika niya,
"Ikaw Liwanag ang magsisilbing aking kanang kamay."
Tumuon naman siya sa Dilim at nagsabing,
"Ikaw Dilim ay magsisilbing tagapaglingkod ng Liwanag. Ipinapaalala ko sa inyo, magkapantay lamang ang kapangyarihan ng bawat isa. Ang kamatayan ng Liwanag ay ang Dilim, at ang sa Dilim ay ang Liwanag. Ngayo'y itinatalaga ko na kayo bilang aking mga alagad."
Muli, nagpugay ang daigdig sa kaitaas-taasan.
Matapos iyon, sumuray sa ulirat ng Dilim ang mga salitang binitiwan ng Bathala. Naisip rin niya na hindi makatuwiran ang ginawang desisyon ng Bathala. Ngunit ang kanyang mga katanunga'y hindi na muli pa niyang inintindi, bagkus ay ginawa na lamang niya ang kanyang tungkulin.
Nang sumunod na pagsikat ng araw, nagmuni ang Liwanag sa kalangitan at sinabi sa daigdig,
"Itinatampok ko sa iyo ang kariktan ng Bathala. Pumayapa ka sa iyong pagmulat."
Naulinig itong lahat ng Dilim at nagsabing,
"Mayabang... napakayabang."
Simula noo'y namutawi sa kadiliman ang poot at pagkamuhi. Ang galit na ito'y bumagabag sa kanyang katauhan at nagdulot ng pag-iisip ng mga masasamang bagay.
Nang isang pagkalat ng dilim sa kalupaan, napansin ng Dilim na hindi na siya binibigyang-halaga ng daigdig di tulad ng pakikitungo nito sa Liwanag. Nang dahil dito, ang poot na sa kalooban niyang matagal nang nagkubli'y umusbong at nabigyang-kaganapan. Inilabas niya ang kanyang mga hinanakit at nagwikang,
"Ikaw Liwanag, higit kang nakatataas. Anupa't dala mo ang kariktan ng Bathala. Mapagmataas ka!"
Matapos ito marinig, nagulat nang husto ang Liwanag, sapagkat para sa kanya'y wala siyang ginagawang kahit na anong masama. Hindi alam ng Dilim, narinig rin ng Bathala ang lahat ng kanyang mga binitiwang salita.
Muling nagpaulan ng mga salita ang Dilim,
"Isa kang mapag-imbot na kawal ng pag-aalinlangan at kasamaan."
Isinagot ng Liwanag,
"Aking kaibigan, iyong ipagpaumanhin ngunit hindi ko lubos maunawaan."
"Hindi mo maunawaan sapagkat wala ka sa aking kalagayan. subukan mo'ng danasin ang init ng alab ng pagtatakwil... subukan mo'ng umapak sa masalimuot na bubog... subukan mo na bumaba, maging dilim sa sumpungan."
"Ngunit?"
"Ikaw Bathala, bakit mo pa ako nilalang? Di ka makatarungan..."
Narinig na ng Bathala ang lahat ng dapat niyang mapakinggan. Natuos ang kanyang pagpipigil ng galit ngunit sumilakbo ang kanyang damdamin,
"Ikaw tampalasan, ipinagkaloob ko sa iyo ang pagkakataong mabuhay at danasin ang kaligayahan. Ngunit ano'ng iyong ginawa? Sa halip na gawin ang iyong tungkuli'y ang pinairal mo'y inggit, pagkamuhi at kasamaan. At ngayo'y ikinakapit mo sa aking pangalan ang iyong kahangalan? Dahil sa iyong kapusukan, ikaw ay nararapat na parusahan."
Itinaas ng Bathala ang kanyang tungkod at itinuro sa Dilim. Bilyun-bilyong mga anghel ang nagpaulan ng nagbabagang palaso sa kabuuan ng Dilim. Ang mga palasong ito ay nag-iwan ng maliliit at sali-salimuot na sugat sa kadiliman. ang mga sugat na ito'y nagtuklap at umusbong ang liwanag. Tinawag ng Bathala itong mga "tala". Sa kadahilanang ito'y mga "tala ng kaliwanagan".
Hindi na muling naghilom pa ang mga sugat sa katawan ng kadiliman. Ang mga ito'y nagsilbing tanda ng pagsisisi at pagbabalik-loob sa liwanag. Gayunpaman, ang poot na kanyang tinataglay ay tuluyan nang naglaho.
Bakit may mga tala? Marahil upang ipaalala sa atin na sa bawat dilim, mayroong liwanag... sa bawat kasamaan, may kabutihan... at sa bawat sugat, may paghilom.
Isang Alamat:
(para sa mga bata)
Nagsara ang kalangitan sa liwanag na maparam. Ginumon ng karimlan ang mata ng kalangitang bumubulay sa sintang pag-iisa. Marahang nanaig ang kadiliman na ipininta sa mga ulap. Kumudyapi ang huni ng ma ibon... pagtakas sa pagkabulag... paglisan sa kamunduhan. Ngunit, sa mariing pagtatalik ng dilim sa kalupaan, unti-unting naggitawan ang sanlaksang mga butil ng pakislap sa langit. Natatanaw mo ba sila? Saan ba sila nagmula? Bakit may mga tala?
Nang likhain ng Bathala ang Liwanag, di siya nakuntento sa idinudulot nito sa daigdig. Ito ay sa kadahilanang, sa lubos na kapangyarihan nito'y nasusugatan ang balat ng mundo. Natitigang din ang maraming bahaging karagatan sa kanyang dakilang pagdarang. Kung kaya, bumuo ang Bathala ng isang elemento na magbabalanse sa kapangyarihan ng Liwanag... tinawag niya itong Dilim.
Sa pagkakataong yaon, tinipon ng Bathala ang kanyang dalawang dakilang likha, ang Liwanag at ang Dilim. Matapos magsalo ng kanilang pagbati, binuksan ng Bathala ang usapin ukol sa kapangyarihan at limitasyon ng bawat isa. Nilingon niya ang kanyang paningin sa Liwanag at nagwikang,
"Ikaw Liwanag, sakdal ng kariktan, aking nilalang sa kataas-taasan, ay aking itinatalaga upang patnubayan ang umaga. Ikaw ang magsisilbing ilaw sa mga mata ng daigdig. Ikaw ang magdudulot ng kulay at karilagan sa timyas ng pagsabog ng kislap ng iyong kagandahan. Ikaw ang aking araw sa paghalik ng bukang-liwayway. Ikaw Liwanag ang buhay ng sandaigdigan."
Naulinig ng lahat ang winikang ito ng Bathala. Nagpugay ang daigdig sa kanyang nabatid. Ang Liwanag ay pinasalubungan ng maringal na pagsaliw ng musika ng mga anghel sa langit.
Sa kabilang dako, itinuon ng Bathala ang kanyang paningin sa Dilim. Ganito ang kanyang winika,
"Ikaw Dilim, aking nilalang sa kataas-taasan ay aking itinatalaga upang patnubayan ang gabi. Ikaw ang siyang magbabalanse sa kapangyarihang taglay ng Liwanag. Ikaw ang aking anino sa dapit-hapon. Ikaw ang pagkubli ng liwanag sa ilang. Ikaw Dilim ang kamatayan ng sandaigdigan."
Nang marinig ito ng lahat, hindi sila natuwa. Bagkus, itinakwil nila ang Dilim. Nagkaroon ng malaking kaguluhan sa daigdig na ikinagulat ng lahat.
"Pumayapa kayo!!!" mabigat na utos ng Bathala. Itinaas niya ang kanyang tungkod at itinuro sa Liwanag. Winika niya,
"Ikaw Liwanag ang magsisilbing aking kanang kamay."
Tumuon naman siya sa Dilim at nagsabing,
"Ikaw Dilim ay magsisilbing tagapaglingkod ng Liwanag. Ipinapaalala ko sa inyo, magkapantay lamang ang kapangyarihan ng bawat isa. Ang kamatayan ng Liwanag ay ang Dilim, at ang sa Dilim ay ang Liwanag. Ngayo'y itinatalaga ko na kayo bilang aking mga alagad."
Muli, nagpugay ang daigdig sa kaitaas-taasan.
Matapos iyon, sumuray sa ulirat ng Dilim ang mga salitang binitiwan ng Bathala. Naisip rin niya na hindi makatuwiran ang ginawang desisyon ng Bathala. Ngunit ang kanyang mga katanunga'y hindi na muli pa niyang inintindi, bagkus ay ginawa na lamang niya ang kanyang tungkulin.
Nang sumunod na pagsikat ng araw, nagmuni ang Liwanag sa kalangitan at sinabi sa daigdig,
"Itinatampok ko sa iyo ang kariktan ng Bathala. Pumayapa ka sa iyong pagmulat."
Naulinig itong lahat ng Dilim at nagsabing,
"Mayabang... napakayabang."
Simula noo'y namutawi sa kadiliman ang poot at pagkamuhi. Ang galit na ito'y bumagabag sa kanyang katauhan at nagdulot ng pag-iisip ng mga masasamang bagay.
Nang isang pagkalat ng dilim sa kalupaan, napansin ng Dilim na hindi na siya binibigyang-halaga ng daigdig di tulad ng pakikitungo nito sa Liwanag. Nang dahil dito, ang poot na sa kalooban niyang matagal nang nagkubli'y umusbong at nabigyang-kaganapan. Inilabas niya ang kanyang mga hinanakit at nagwikang,
"Ikaw Liwanag, higit kang nakatataas. Anupa't dala mo ang kariktan ng Bathala. Mapagmataas ka!"
Matapos ito marinig, nagulat nang husto ang Liwanag, sapagkat para sa kanya'y wala siyang ginagawang kahit na anong masama. Hindi alam ng Dilim, narinig rin ng Bathala ang lahat ng kanyang mga binitiwang salita.
Muling nagpaulan ng mga salita ang Dilim,
"Isa kang mapag-imbot na kawal ng pag-aalinlangan at kasamaan."
Isinagot ng Liwanag,
"Aking kaibigan, iyong ipagpaumanhin ngunit hindi ko lubos maunawaan."
"Hindi mo maunawaan sapagkat wala ka sa aking kalagayan. subukan mo'ng danasin ang init ng alab ng pagtatakwil... subukan mo'ng umapak sa masalimuot na bubog... subukan mo na bumaba, maging dilim sa sumpungan."
"Ngunit?"
"Ikaw Bathala, bakit mo pa ako nilalang? Di ka makatarungan..."
Narinig na ng Bathala ang lahat ng dapat niyang mapakinggan. Natuos ang kanyang pagpipigil ng galit ngunit sumilakbo ang kanyang damdamin,
"Ikaw tampalasan, ipinagkaloob ko sa iyo ang pagkakataong mabuhay at danasin ang kaligayahan. Ngunit ano'ng iyong ginawa? Sa halip na gawin ang iyong tungkuli'y ang pinairal mo'y inggit, pagkamuhi at kasamaan. At ngayo'y ikinakapit mo sa aking pangalan ang iyong kahangalan? Dahil sa iyong kapusukan, ikaw ay nararapat na parusahan."
Itinaas ng Bathala ang kanyang tungkod at itinuro sa Dilim. Bilyun-bilyong mga anghel ang nagpaulan ng nagbabagang palaso sa kabuuan ng Dilim. Ang mga palasong ito ay nag-iwan ng maliliit at sali-salimuot na sugat sa kadiliman. ang mga sugat na ito'y nagtuklap at umusbong ang liwanag. Tinawag ng Bathala itong mga "tala". Sa kadahilanang ito'y mga "tala ng kaliwanagan".
Hindi na muling naghilom pa ang mga sugat sa katawan ng kadiliman. Ang mga ito'y nagsilbing tanda ng pagsisisi at pagbabalik-loob sa liwanag. Gayunpaman, ang poot na kanyang tinataglay ay tuluyan nang naglaho.
Bakit may mga tala? Marahil upang ipaalala sa atin na sa bawat dilim, mayroong liwanag... sa bawat kasamaan, may kabutihan... at sa bawat sugat, may paghilom.
The Virtuoso
The Virtuoso:
(A Sonnet)
Jesse was a child of wand'ring sorrow.
At six he learned how to play the piano.
He struck the keys and he began dreaming.
Black and white keys inside his own cunning.
He played the music of love and hatred.
He was the music of sepulchral dread.
He pondered of love that never could be.
Love had he left behind sweet irony.
Jesse held a gun within his own grip.
He killed himself and his soul flew adrift.
Music played still with the blood-stained piano.
The music was played by virtuoso.
Jesse did not die because of music.
He died of finding... love he couldn't seek.
(A Sonnet)
Jesse was a child of wand'ring sorrow.
At six he learned how to play the piano.
He struck the keys and he began dreaming.
Black and white keys inside his own cunning.
He played the music of love and hatred.
He was the music of sepulchral dread.
He pondered of love that never could be.
Love had he left behind sweet irony.
Jesse held a gun within his own grip.
He killed himself and his soul flew adrift.
Music played still with the blood-stained piano.
The music was played by virtuoso.
Jesse did not die because of music.
He died of finding... love he couldn't seek.
Sa Mga Kalye ng Mahal
sa mga kalye ng mahal
tula:
"with all thy faults, i love thee still...my country." ---horace---
tae sa daan.
nakaw na sasakyan.
bangkay sa pamilihan.
mga pokpok na kababaihan.
mainit na panahon.
lalamig sa paglaon.
impyerno kahapon.
nagyeyelo naman ngaun.
politikong bobo.
pangakong napapako.
masang pilipino...
mga uto-uto.
bentahan ng shabu.
mga pulis na gago.
mga buwaya kamo.
metal na kamao.
artistang hangal.
sa kamera'y banal.
pa-cute pa sa personal.
di makabasag-pinggan.
nabibiling edukasyon.
istupidong imbensyon.
mayayamang labas-puson.
mga tingi'y nakakalason.
boksingerong dakila.
tatakbong konggresista?
senador na artista?
magpapogi lang ba ang kaya?
patayan sa eleksyon.
duguang suson-suson.
binaril ang kahapon.
at sa umaga nakulong.
konting ambon, baha.
konting patak, mga luha.
konting apoy, dalita.
konting tiis, sinta.
sa umaga may ligaya.
sa umaga may pag-asa.
sa umaga manalig ka,
konting tiis,
konting tiis pa sinta.
tula:
"with all thy faults, i love thee still...my country." ---horace---
tae sa daan.
nakaw na sasakyan.
bangkay sa pamilihan.
mga pokpok na kababaihan.
mainit na panahon.
lalamig sa paglaon.
impyerno kahapon.
nagyeyelo naman ngaun.
politikong bobo.
pangakong napapako.
masang pilipino...
mga uto-uto.
bentahan ng shabu.
mga pulis na gago.
mga buwaya kamo.
metal na kamao.
artistang hangal.
sa kamera'y banal.
pa-cute pa sa personal.
di makabasag-pinggan.
nabibiling edukasyon.
istupidong imbensyon.
mayayamang labas-puson.
mga tingi'y nakakalason.
boksingerong dakila.
tatakbong konggresista?
senador na artista?
magpapogi lang ba ang kaya?
patayan sa eleksyon.
duguang suson-suson.
binaril ang kahapon.
at sa umaga nakulong.
konting ambon, baha.
konting patak, mga luha.
konting apoy, dalita.
konting tiis, sinta.
sa umaga may ligaya.
sa umaga may pag-asa.
sa umaga manalig ka,
konting tiis,
konting tiis pa sinta.
Weak!!!
Weak
poem:
shattered glass hurt me...
with fine predicament.
in silence...
as pieces of which stabbed me in slowly.
traces of blood.
as skin opened deep.
a sight of pain.
a smell of innocence.
and a feeling of injustice.
a touch from underneath.
tears left my eye.
frustrations...
a call from somewhere.
voices reverberated...
inside this very soul o' mine.
a bottle of alcohol,
and a piece of soft cloth.
a sight of pain.
a smell of innocence.
and strong feeling of prejudice.
for had i known...
this shattered glass hurt me.
but i could do nothing but to cry.
in sorrow i left for.
in sorrow i came to.
i was hurt.
but all i could do was to cry.
for this shattered glass hurt me...
was i that weak?
poem:
shattered glass hurt me...
with fine predicament.
in silence...
as pieces of which stabbed me in slowly.
traces of blood.
as skin opened deep.
a sight of pain.
a smell of innocence.
and a feeling of injustice.
a touch from underneath.
tears left my eye.
frustrations...
a call from somewhere.
voices reverberated...
inside this very soul o' mine.
a bottle of alcohol,
and a piece of soft cloth.
a sight of pain.
a smell of innocence.
and strong feeling of prejudice.
for had i known...
this shattered glass hurt me.
but i could do nothing but to cry.
in sorrow i left for.
in sorrow i came to.
i was hurt.
but all i could do was to cry.
for this shattered glass hurt me...
was i that weak?
Sumpa't Manika
Sumpa't Manika:
Tula:
Ayoko sa mundong ewan.
Ewan.
Ano nga ba ang ayaw ko sa mundo?
Basta ang alam ko, buwisit ang mga tao.
Tingnan mo't kumalatas ako sa balakyot.
Unti-unting pinira-piraso 'tong katawan ko.
Di na lang ako pinatay.
Pinadama pa sa'kin ang sakit.
Pait.
Kumakarit.
Tagusan ang hapdi.
Nakakatampo.
Matapos ka nilang pagkatuwaan,
Ano?
Ganito?
Naaalala ko pa,
Teka...
Wala na pala akong naaalala.
Pa'no nga ba ako nakapunta dito?
Bakit ba kita kinakausap?
Ewan.
Ang gulo ng mundo.
Ano nga ba'ng mali dito?
Bakit ba ako palaging sinasaktan?
Ano nga ba ang mali sa mga tao?
Ano ang mali sa'yo?
Sa inyo?
Ano nga ba ako?
Manika lang naman di ba?
Pero naisip mo ba na kahit manika...
Lumuluha,
Nagdarasal,
Marunong mgamura,
Namomoot,
Namumuhi,
Nais lumaya?
Kaya...
Ayoko nang maging tao.
Ayoko nang maging manika.
Gusto ko nang lumaya...
sa mga luhang di nakikita.
Sa PAGSUMPA....
Tula:
Ayoko sa mundong ewan.
Ewan.
Ano nga ba ang ayaw ko sa mundo?
Basta ang alam ko, buwisit ang mga tao.
Tingnan mo't kumalatas ako sa balakyot.
Unti-unting pinira-piraso 'tong katawan ko.
Di na lang ako pinatay.
Pinadama pa sa'kin ang sakit.
Pait.
Kumakarit.
Tagusan ang hapdi.
Nakakatampo.
Matapos ka nilang pagkatuwaan,
Ano?
Ganito?
Naaalala ko pa,
Teka...
Wala na pala akong naaalala.
Pa'no nga ba ako nakapunta dito?
Bakit ba kita kinakausap?
Ewan.
Ang gulo ng mundo.
Ano nga ba'ng mali dito?
Bakit ba ako palaging sinasaktan?
Ano nga ba ang mali sa mga tao?
Ano ang mali sa'yo?
Sa inyo?
Ano nga ba ako?
Manika lang naman di ba?
Pero naisip mo ba na kahit manika...
Lumuluha,
Nagdarasal,
Marunong mgamura,
Namomoot,
Namumuhi,
Nais lumaya?
Kaya...
Ayoko nang maging tao.
Ayoko nang maging manika.
Gusto ko nang lumaya...
sa mga luhang di nakikita.
Sa PAGSUMPA....
Sa Pag-aya
SA PAG-AYA
(a poem of addiction)
Natanaw kita sa paghaplos ng liwanag.
Nakangiti ka sa mundo, kaygandang mamalas.
Sangkalangita'y pinaging darangin sa galak.
Busilak na kalong ng araw ay pumilas.
Natanaw kita sa pag-ihip sa ilang.
Anino ng sutlang ganap ang paglutang.
Huni ng iyong karikta'y pumailanlang.
Tiwalag sa tambuli ng alinlangan.
Natanaw kita sa mga mata ng langit.
Nakasisilaw...nakabubulag...nakapupunit.
Nabanaag ko ang araw sa pang-aakit.
Ang lahat wari'y isang panaginip.
Natanaw kita sa aking pag-iisa.
Mukha mo'y waring nakasabit sa aking gunita.
'Di mapaknit sa niliyag na alaala.
Bumabalik ako sa tamis ng iyong pag-aya.
Natanaw kita sa aking mga ngiti.
Nakatanghod ka't wari'y batid sa pagkabuti.
Pikit-matang nananaginip na nasa iyong tabi.
Humihiling na makapiling kang muli.
Kahit sandali.
Kahit sa huli.
(a poem of addiction)
Natanaw kita sa paghaplos ng liwanag.
Nakangiti ka sa mundo, kaygandang mamalas.
Sangkalangita'y pinaging darangin sa galak.
Busilak na kalong ng araw ay pumilas.
Natanaw kita sa pag-ihip sa ilang.
Anino ng sutlang ganap ang paglutang.
Huni ng iyong karikta'y pumailanlang.
Tiwalag sa tambuli ng alinlangan.
Natanaw kita sa mga mata ng langit.
Nakasisilaw...nakabubulag...nakapupunit.
Nabanaag ko ang araw sa pang-aakit.
Ang lahat wari'y isang panaginip.
Natanaw kita sa aking pag-iisa.
Mukha mo'y waring nakasabit sa aking gunita.
'Di mapaknit sa niliyag na alaala.
Bumabalik ako sa tamis ng iyong pag-aya.
Natanaw kita sa aking mga ngiti.
Nakatanghod ka't wari'y batid sa pagkabuti.
Pikit-matang nananaginip na nasa iyong tabi.
Humihiling na makapiling kang muli.
Kahit sandali.
Kahit sa huli.
Kape
KAPE
POEM
Pinangarap kong maglaho sa ligalig.
Kainin ng lupa at malibing sa pag-ibig.
Nais kong pumanaw sa 'di pagkatigatig.
Kaluluwa ko'y sa liwanag manumbalik.
Sa dilim ako'y nag-isip nang marahan.
Hindi alintana minutong nagdaraan.
Pumikit ako't sumuray sa kawalan.
Kinatkat ang isipan na 'di maunawaan.
Sumulyap ako sa butil ng liwanag.
Natanaw ko ang lalaking sa sahol ay bihag.
Mukha niya'y 'di ko lubos mabanaag.
Nakapikit siyang marahan...waring isang bulag.
Tumindig ang lalaki't mga labi'y nangusap.
Iminulat ang mga mata at tumingala sa ulap.
Nagmakaawa siya sa akin sa pag-aapuhap.
"Nauuhaw ako...sa kapeng pinapangarap."
Noong gabing iyon, kami'y nagsalo...
tatlong litrong kape, sa aming lalamuna'y pumalo.
Naglalagablab sa sarap...sa labi'y pumapaso.
Tagay doon. Tagay dito.
Madaling araw na nang kami'y natapos.
Wala sa aming dalawa ang nais na matulog.
Mugto ang mga mata at sa umaga'y nahulog.
Napatingin ako sa lalaki sa pagtangis ng kulog.
Huli na nang malaman na ang lalaki'y ilusyon.
Nasa loob siya ng salamin...siya'y aking repleksyon.
Nalinlang ako ng sarili kong imahinasyon.
Sa butil ng liwanag, ako pala'y umaawit ng sariling pasyon.
Sa upuan ako'y napahawak nang mahigpit.
Ayaw ko pang matulog ngunit ako'y napapapikit.
Napahandusay ako sa saklap ng sinapit.
Ito ba ang katupran ng aking panaginip?
POEM
Pinangarap kong maglaho sa ligalig.
Kainin ng lupa at malibing sa pag-ibig.
Nais kong pumanaw sa 'di pagkatigatig.
Kaluluwa ko'y sa liwanag manumbalik.
Sa dilim ako'y nag-isip nang marahan.
Hindi alintana minutong nagdaraan.
Pumikit ako't sumuray sa kawalan.
Kinatkat ang isipan na 'di maunawaan.
Sumulyap ako sa butil ng liwanag.
Natanaw ko ang lalaking sa sahol ay bihag.
Mukha niya'y 'di ko lubos mabanaag.
Nakapikit siyang marahan...waring isang bulag.
Tumindig ang lalaki't mga labi'y nangusap.
Iminulat ang mga mata at tumingala sa ulap.
Nagmakaawa siya sa akin sa pag-aapuhap.
"Nauuhaw ako...sa kapeng pinapangarap."
Noong gabing iyon, kami'y nagsalo...
tatlong litrong kape, sa aming lalamuna'y pumalo.
Naglalagablab sa sarap...sa labi'y pumapaso.
Tagay doon. Tagay dito.
Madaling araw na nang kami'y natapos.
Wala sa aming dalawa ang nais na matulog.
Mugto ang mga mata at sa umaga'y nahulog.
Napatingin ako sa lalaki sa pagtangis ng kulog.
Huli na nang malaman na ang lalaki'y ilusyon.
Nasa loob siya ng salamin...siya'y aking repleksyon.
Nalinlang ako ng sarili kong imahinasyon.
Sa butil ng liwanag, ako pala'y umaawit ng sariling pasyon.
Sa upuan ako'y napahawak nang mahigpit.
Ayaw ko pang matulog ngunit ako'y napapapikit.
Napahandusay ako sa saklap ng sinapit.
Ito ba ang katupran ng aking panaginip?
If I Ask Thee
IF I ASK THEE:
POEM
If I ask thee,
Come mayst thou with me,
Will it be of great cost?
Mayst thou steal my night.
'Coz it's thee that my day has lost.
If I ask thee,
Perhaps embrace me with tenderness,
Would it ne'er be thy hapless fate?
Thou had given birth to every morning.
I had as lief opened these eyes, I prayed.
Give me thy hand.
Sing that thou must be dead.
In sorrow would I be, seeing thee in despair.
For asketh thee when I,
Shalt breathe to thee my care.
Paint me and thee.
And speak to this emptiness ta'en from me.
Speak of the relentless wand'ring as we.
And follow each of these pond'rous thoughts.
Then I ask thee...
Would thou be still loving me?
If I ask thee,
Come hither me thou canst?
Closer as if thou ne'er let go.
For I love thee...
If thou would ask me.
POEM
If I ask thee,
Come mayst thou with me,
Will it be of great cost?
Mayst thou steal my night.
'Coz it's thee that my day has lost.
If I ask thee,
Perhaps embrace me with tenderness,
Would it ne'er be thy hapless fate?
Thou had given birth to every morning.
I had as lief opened these eyes, I prayed.
Give me thy hand.
Sing that thou must be dead.
In sorrow would I be, seeing thee in despair.
For asketh thee when I,
Shalt breathe to thee my care.
Paint me and thee.
And speak to this emptiness ta'en from me.
Speak of the relentless wand'ring as we.
And follow each of these pond'rous thoughts.
Then I ask thee...
Would thou be still loving me?
If I ask thee,
Come hither me thou canst?
Closer as if thou ne'er let go.
For I love thee...
If thou would ask me.
Kublian
POEM
Nagkumot ang pagluhang ninikat.
Nagkubli sa larawan ng pagmulat.
Ibinubo sa lumbay ang panilat...
sinta't panulat.
Anaki'y humagap sa balintataw,
Upang humapis na kuta'y pumanaw.
Sa tangis ng pluma, damdami'y nag-umapaw.
Sa pagsupil bumubitaw.
Tula'y kinathang kandungan ng lungkot.
Kamatayang kibi't ng isipang baog.
Tula lamang ang kasama sa muog.
Sa pag-igkas nananaog.
Pinilit hindi isiwalat.
Pinilit kong magtago sa pagsukol ng kamalayan.
Bumulay akong maigi kahit sa kamangmangan.
Upang damdaming sikil sa pait ay mapasubalian.
Isinulat ko ang lihim sa hangin.
Hindi ko hiniling na iyong ibigin...
ang tulang may tanikala'ng hinaing.
at binulag sa salita't patalim.
Lihim ko'y sambitin nang marahan.
Bawat titik ay sumasaliw sa kasawian.
Ang tula'y mistulang 'sang kublian...
ng panaginip... ng iwinaksing kaligayahan.
Nagkumot ang pagluhang ninikat.
Nagkubli sa larawan ng pagmulat.
Ibinubo sa lumbay ang panilat...
sinta't panulat.
Anaki'y humagap sa balintataw,
Upang humapis na kuta'y pumanaw.
Sa tangis ng pluma, damdami'y nag-umapaw.
Sa pagsupil bumubitaw.
Tula'y kinathang kandungan ng lungkot.
Kamatayang kibi't ng isipang baog.
Tula lamang ang kasama sa muog.
Sa pag-igkas nananaog.
Pinilit hindi isiwalat.
Pinilit kong magtago sa pagsukol ng kamalayan.
Bumulay akong maigi kahit sa kamangmangan.
Upang damdaming sikil sa pait ay mapasubalian.
Isinulat ko ang lihim sa hangin.
Hindi ko hiniling na iyong ibigin...
ang tulang may tanikala'ng hinaing.
at binulag sa salita't patalim.
Lihim ko'y sambitin nang marahan.
Bawat titik ay sumasaliw sa kasawian.
Ang tula'y mistulang 'sang kublian...
ng panaginip... ng iwinaksing kaligayahan.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Venus113
VENUS113
POEM
I slew the ignominious defeat...
the fiasco of my semi-charmed deceit.
I dreamt to be at where the stars meet...
to be at where my fantasy's summit is.
I was myself's own massacre.
Darkness smiled to the heavens...I was there.
I just killed the lady of daylight vigor...
Veiled sillhouette of mournful stupor.
I had murdered the lady.
I just killed her in irony.
I saw her face...lighted in sheer beauty.
She was but in perpetuity.
I had an exodus from the tears of conviction...
mutilated my sorrow from guilt-accretion.
I wandered in solitude on the clouds of illusion.
So long...star of morning incarnation.
The moon kissed the enigmatic twilight.
Stars faded through the serenity of the night.
The lady was dead...I killed her out of sight.
But I was hers...yet she had never been mine despite.
POEM
I slew the ignominious defeat...
the fiasco of my semi-charmed deceit.
I dreamt to be at where the stars meet...
to be at where my fantasy's summit is.
I was myself's own massacre.
Darkness smiled to the heavens...I was there.
I just killed the lady of daylight vigor...
Veiled sillhouette of mournful stupor.
I had murdered the lady.
I just killed her in irony.
I saw her face...lighted in sheer beauty.
She was but in perpetuity.
I had an exodus from the tears of conviction...
mutilated my sorrow from guilt-accretion.
I wandered in solitude on the clouds of illusion.
So long...star of morning incarnation.
The moon kissed the enigmatic twilight.
Stars faded through the serenity of the night.
The lady was dead...I killed her out of sight.
But I was hers...yet she had never been mine despite.
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